Interview with Philip "Money Shot" Mason (Part 1)
by Philip Mason on Wednesday, July 30, 2008 at 3:51pm
In the July 2008 issue of Pornographer Monthly there is a splendid interview with yours truly. Here it is in its entirety.
In the late 80's and all through the 90's Philip Mason was one of the world's leading porn stars. Starring in such films as "I Prefer the Back Door", the "Lost in Her Eyes With 69 Guys" series, "Spank Me Fuck Me Fill Me", the "Baby Take Your Teeth Out" trilogy, and the awe-inspiring Lifetime Original Movie, ""Heads Are Gonna Roll", plus hundreds more, Philip made a name for himself. In the 21st century, however, Philip put aside the acting and took up directing porn films. As great a porn star as he was, it was nothing compared to the film-making he did while behind the camera.
Pornographer Monthly: "Hello Philip, or should I call you Money Shot? How are you today? Do you mind telling us how you got this nickname, Money Shot?"
Philip: "Hello, I am fine. I got the name Money Shot while on the set of "Penis Dimension" in 1992. I was the only male porn star, or pornographic actor, as we like to call ourselves, who could supply the money shot on demand. So my first nick name was actually On Demand. Then one day I was showing off my skills to a group of 15 ladies and giving out money shots like they were candy. The director saw this and he thought it was brilliant. So since they were already calling me On Demand like it was my real name, they started calling me On "Money Shot" Demand. That's why in late '92 and early '93 most of the films I starred in would have something like "STARRING ON DEMAND!" on the cover. But eventually I dropped the On Demand part, because that just wasn't pornographic enough."
Pornographer Monthly: "How did you get involved in doing pornography in the first place?"
Philip: "I was was reading the newspaper one morning, looking for a job, and saw an ad for people with no dignity and even less pride, so I thought I'd give it a shot. A Money Shot, if you will. I went in and they were impressed that I showed up naked, with an erection. I had brought in a mannequin to show them all of my skills, and they really liked what I could do. Turns out they weren't a porno business. It was a Food Lion and they were looking for a janitor or something like that. But the manager knew some people in the porno business because he had been a gaffer on a few movies, so he gave me a number and I called it. I went in for an audition and got the part. After my first film, I was in high demand."
Pornographer Monthly: "What made you decide to leave the acting and focus on writing and directing your own pornos?"
Philip: "By the end of the 90's, I'd felt that I had accomplished all I could as a pornographic actor. I had taken my art form to the limit. I had done what all the industry giants said could not be done. I broke an industry record with my money shots. I made 189 money shots in one 17 hour period, you know. You probably heard about this."
Pornographer Monthly: "Who hasn't?"
Philip: "Exactly. So, I thought 'boy, I've done just about everything I set out to do, and more!' But I knew there was more to the porn art than I was experiencing, and that I needed to be in control. I needed to show the world how it really needed to be done. So I finished my final film as actor, "Dick See Chics", and bought my own studio with the ridiculous amounts of money I had earned over the years."
Pornographer Monthly: "How much money did you earn over the years?"
Philip: "That's a personal question. Don't really want to answer that."
Pornographer Monthly: "I see."
Philip: "99 Million dollars."
Pornographer Monthly: "That's a lot."
Philip: "I own 4 Ferraris and 11 Porsches and a few Lamborghinis."
Pornographer Monthly: "So you bought your own studio, and what happened from there?"
Philip: "Do you drive a sports car? Like a Porsche?"
Pornographer Monthly: "No, I drive a Toyota. So you bought your own stu-"
Philip: "I used to drive a Honda before I started making real money. A Honda's pretty much like a Toyota, except a little bit better."
Pornographer Monthly: "Hmm, I don't know about that. But anyway-"
Philip: "Oh, I do know about that. I drive a fucking Ferrari and a Lamborghini now. I think I know a thing or two about cars."
Pornographer Monthly: "I see. Well, anyway... you bought your own studio, and -"
Philip: "You don't believe me, do you? I have photos in my wallet. I'll show you."
Pornographer Monthly: "No, it's not necessary. Let's just continue the interview, we can talk about that later."
Philip: "Ok. What was your question?"
Pornographer Monthly: "What did you do after you bought your studio?"
Philip: "Well, I called up some of the fine actors and actresses I had worked with before, and told them my ideas. I had been writing porno ideas non-stop in the late 90's, and they loved what they heard. They said they'd love to do a few films for me. I called my studio On Demand Studios, and named my film company Money Shot Films. I brought in the actors, gave them their parts, made them rehearse 6 hours a day, remember their lines, which are very important in my films, as you know, and then work on the sex scenes pretty much all day."
Pornographer Monthly: "Is it true that on the set of your first film as director, "New Orleans House of Jizz", you organized the largest orgy in the history of the world, using mostly non-actors and homeless people?"
Philip: "Yes. There were 18,966 people in that orgy. It took a long time for everyone to leave, and it took us even longer to clean up afterwards, but it was worth it. We just filmed the whole thing and released it as a bonus feature on the Director's Cut of "New Orleans House of Jizz". People love it, and my fans have come to expect that from me now, which is why every DVD I release has hours of bonus features."
Pornographer Monthly: "To date you have directed 299 porno films. Where do you see this going?"
Philip: "I am working on new ideas never before seen in the porno industry. Ron Jeremy called me up after he saw my first few films, and asked to star in a few of my films I was going to be working on later. He's a great actor. Such a bold presence, you know? We've been friends since then. I am right now working on a concept film called "JO for JO, Blow for Blow: The Story of Lady Molasses". Ron is going to be doing the soundtrack for this one, he is an extremely talented saxophone player, which most people don't know. But that's not the end of it... the film is going to play in porno theaters all over the country, and the stars of the film are going to go around to these theaters and perform large JO sessions with the fans who come to see the movie. We call this JO with a BRO, and we are going to film all of these, and release them as a teaser trailer for a new film I am working on, called "JO FEST 2010", which will also feature live-action JO's with large groups of people. People love this stuff. And I love to film it because it makes me rich."
Pornographer Monthly: "You mentioned Ron Jeremy doing the soundtrack for the Lady Molasses film. You usually do your own music for your films. Tell us a little about that."
Philip: "I usually do my own soundtracks, as you are aware, with fast guitar riffs and blazing solos, because that's the kind of atmosphere I like to create in my films. FAST, INTENSE, HARD, UNRELENTING. I am sure you remember the scene from my 2003 film "Nine Types of Fists" where there is some very hardcore fisting action going on, and there are harmonizing guitar solos shredding over the sounds of moans and squeals. This is my trademark, long, drawn out sex scenes with long, drawn out guitar solos, each getting faster and faster and faster until the ultimate climax. Just as the actors on the screen climax and we achieve MONEY SHOT, the guitar solo climaxes, and reaches the peak of excellence. You are also probably familiar with my fondness for explosions in my films, which also sets me apart from the rest of the industry. Every movie I've made since 2002 has had at least one huge explosion. They aren't always noticeable. Sometimes the explosion is just on the TV in the background of a scene as the actors are banging each other on a brand new rug from India."
Pornographer Monthly: "Some of the actors who work for you have complained that you are very strict and impersonal when directing a film. How do you respond to this?"
Philip: "It is true that I am strict. I am an artist, and an artist requires his tools to be in top condition, to be used as necessary. That is what they are when we are on the set, my tools for my ultimate creation. Most people just can't comprehend and follow the artistic visions I hold. I have had some actors quit while working with me, but more often than that I have actors who beg me to work with me again."
Pornographer Monthly: "How do you audition female actors for your films?"
Philip: "I have them come into my very huge office and play the drums. I judge them on their ability to keep good rhythm, fluctuate in speed with very precise dynamics, and how well they can improvise to my guitar solos that I throw down right in front of them, on the spot."
Pornographer Monthly: "Really? That doesn't seem to be an effective way of judging their abilities as porn stars."
Philip: "Well you didn't let me finish. They have to play the drums naked, of course. It would be stupid otherwise. I have to see what they look like playing drums naked, and then if I like how they accompany my guitar solos, we re-enact a scene from one of my thousands of films right on the floor of my office. I expect them to know all of my films off the top of their head when they come in and audition, so I can say something like "Act 4, Scene 3 from "Fuck Like a Ninja 3: The Swallow Flies High", right now!" and they know exactly what to do."
Pornographer Monthly: "Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, Money Shot."
The second part of the interview will be in next month's issue of Pornographer Monthly. HOORAY.
In the late 80's and all through the 90's Philip Mason was one of the world's leading porn stars. Starring in such films as "I Prefer the Back Door", the "Lost in Her Eyes With 69 Guys" series, "Spank Me Fuck Me Fill Me", the "Baby Take Your Teeth Out" trilogy, and the awe-inspiring Lifetime Original Movie, ""Heads Are Gonna Roll", plus hundreds more, Philip made a name for himself. In the 21st century, however, Philip put aside the acting and took up directing porn films. As great a porn star as he was, it was nothing compared to the film-making he did while behind the camera.
Pornographer Monthly: "Hello Philip, or should I call you Money Shot? How are you today? Do you mind telling us how you got this nickname, Money Shot?"
Philip: "Hello, I am fine. I got the name Money Shot while on the set of "Penis Dimension" in 1992. I was the only male porn star, or pornographic actor, as we like to call ourselves, who could supply the money shot on demand. So my first nick name was actually On Demand. Then one day I was showing off my skills to a group of 15 ladies and giving out money shots like they were candy. The director saw this and he thought it was brilliant. So since they were already calling me On Demand like it was my real name, they started calling me On "Money Shot" Demand. That's why in late '92 and early '93 most of the films I starred in would have something like "STARRING ON DEMAND!" on the cover. But eventually I dropped the On Demand part, because that just wasn't pornographic enough."
Pornographer Monthly: "How did you get involved in doing pornography in the first place?"
Philip: "I was was reading the newspaper one morning, looking for a job, and saw an ad for people with no dignity and even less pride, so I thought I'd give it a shot. A Money Shot, if you will. I went in and they were impressed that I showed up naked, with an erection. I had brought in a mannequin to show them all of my skills, and they really liked what I could do. Turns out they weren't a porno business. It was a Food Lion and they were looking for a janitor or something like that. But the manager knew some people in the porno business because he had been a gaffer on a few movies, so he gave me a number and I called it. I went in for an audition and got the part. After my first film, I was in high demand."
Pornographer Monthly: "What made you decide to leave the acting and focus on writing and directing your own pornos?"
Philip: "By the end of the 90's, I'd felt that I had accomplished all I could as a pornographic actor. I had taken my art form to the limit. I had done what all the industry giants said could not be done. I broke an industry record with my money shots. I made 189 money shots in one 17 hour period, you know. You probably heard about this."
Pornographer Monthly: "Who hasn't?"
Philip: "Exactly. So, I thought 'boy, I've done just about everything I set out to do, and more!' But I knew there was more to the porn art than I was experiencing, and that I needed to be in control. I needed to show the world how it really needed to be done. So I finished my final film as actor, "Dick See Chics", and bought my own studio with the ridiculous amounts of money I had earned over the years."
Pornographer Monthly: "How much money did you earn over the years?"
Philip: "That's a personal question. Don't really want to answer that."
Pornographer Monthly: "I see."
Philip: "99 Million dollars."
Pornographer Monthly: "That's a lot."
Philip: "I own 4 Ferraris and 11 Porsches and a few Lamborghinis."
Pornographer Monthly: "So you bought your own studio, and what happened from there?"
Philip: "Do you drive a sports car? Like a Porsche?"
Pornographer Monthly: "No, I drive a Toyota. So you bought your own stu-"
Philip: "I used to drive a Honda before I started making real money. A Honda's pretty much like a Toyota, except a little bit better."
Pornographer Monthly: "Hmm, I don't know about that. But anyway-"
Philip: "Oh, I do know about that. I drive a fucking Ferrari and a Lamborghini now. I think I know a thing or two about cars."
Pornographer Monthly: "I see. Well, anyway... you bought your own studio, and -"
Philip: "You don't believe me, do you? I have photos in my wallet. I'll show you."
Pornographer Monthly: "No, it's not necessary. Let's just continue the interview, we can talk about that later."
Philip: "Ok. What was your question?"
Pornographer Monthly: "What did you do after you bought your studio?"
Philip: "Well, I called up some of the fine actors and actresses I had worked with before, and told them my ideas. I had been writing porno ideas non-stop in the late 90's, and they loved what they heard. They said they'd love to do a few films for me. I called my studio On Demand Studios, and named my film company Money Shot Films. I brought in the actors, gave them their parts, made them rehearse 6 hours a day, remember their lines, which are very important in my films, as you know, and then work on the sex scenes pretty much all day."
Pornographer Monthly: "Is it true that on the set of your first film as director, "New Orleans House of Jizz", you organized the largest orgy in the history of the world, using mostly non-actors and homeless people?"
Philip: "Yes. There were 18,966 people in that orgy. It took a long time for everyone to leave, and it took us even longer to clean up afterwards, but it was worth it. We just filmed the whole thing and released it as a bonus feature on the Director's Cut of "New Orleans House of Jizz". People love it, and my fans have come to expect that from me now, which is why every DVD I release has hours of bonus features."
Pornographer Monthly: "To date you have directed 299 porno films. Where do you see this going?"
Philip: "I am working on new ideas never before seen in the porno industry. Ron Jeremy called me up after he saw my first few films, and asked to star in a few of my films I was going to be working on later. He's a great actor. Such a bold presence, you know? We've been friends since then. I am right now working on a concept film called "JO for JO, Blow for Blow: The Story of Lady Molasses". Ron is going to be doing the soundtrack for this one, he is an extremely talented saxophone player, which most people don't know. But that's not the end of it... the film is going to play in porno theaters all over the country, and the stars of the film are going to go around to these theaters and perform large JO sessions with the fans who come to see the movie. We call this JO with a BRO, and we are going to film all of these, and release them as a teaser trailer for a new film I am working on, called "JO FEST 2010", which will also feature live-action JO's with large groups of people. People love this stuff. And I love to film it because it makes me rich."
Pornographer Monthly: "You mentioned Ron Jeremy doing the soundtrack for the Lady Molasses film. You usually do your own music for your films. Tell us a little about that."
Philip: "I usually do my own soundtracks, as you are aware, with fast guitar riffs and blazing solos, because that's the kind of atmosphere I like to create in my films. FAST, INTENSE, HARD, UNRELENTING. I am sure you remember the scene from my 2003 film "Nine Types of Fists" where there is some very hardcore fisting action going on, and there are harmonizing guitar solos shredding over the sounds of moans and squeals. This is my trademark, long, drawn out sex scenes with long, drawn out guitar solos, each getting faster and faster and faster until the ultimate climax. Just as the actors on the screen climax and we achieve MONEY SHOT, the guitar solo climaxes, and reaches the peak of excellence. You are also probably familiar with my fondness for explosions in my films, which also sets me apart from the rest of the industry. Every movie I've made since 2002 has had at least one huge explosion. They aren't always noticeable. Sometimes the explosion is just on the TV in the background of a scene as the actors are banging each other on a brand new rug from India."
Pornographer Monthly: "Some of the actors who work for you have complained that you are very strict and impersonal when directing a film. How do you respond to this?"
Philip: "It is true that I am strict. I am an artist, and an artist requires his tools to be in top condition, to be used as necessary. That is what they are when we are on the set, my tools for my ultimate creation. Most people just can't comprehend and follow the artistic visions I hold. I have had some actors quit while working with me, but more often than that I have actors who beg me to work with me again."
Pornographer Monthly: "How do you audition female actors for your films?"
Philip: "I have them come into my very huge office and play the drums. I judge them on their ability to keep good rhythm, fluctuate in speed with very precise dynamics, and how well they can improvise to my guitar solos that I throw down right in front of them, on the spot."
Pornographer Monthly: "Really? That doesn't seem to be an effective way of judging their abilities as porn stars."
Philip: "Well you didn't let me finish. They have to play the drums naked, of course. It would be stupid otherwise. I have to see what they look like playing drums naked, and then if I like how they accompany my guitar solos, we re-enact a scene from one of my thousands of films right on the floor of my office. I expect them to know all of my films off the top of their head when they come in and audition, so I can say something like "Act 4, Scene 3 from "Fuck Like a Ninja 3: The Swallow Flies High", right now!" and they know exactly what to do."
Pornographer Monthly: "Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, Money Shot."
The second part of the interview will be in next month's issue of Pornographer Monthly. HOORAY.
Interview with Philip "Money Shot" Mason (Part 2)
by Philip Mason on Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 1:07am
In the August 2008 issue of Pornographer Monthly the second part of my interview has been published for all to read.
We last left Porn Star turned Mega Porn Director Philip "Money Shot" Mason when he was telling us about his auditioning for women in his films.
Pornographer Monthly: "It is interesting how you cast women for your films. It is very different than the way you cast men. Tell us a little bit about that."
Philip: "I just have them pee in a cup, make my assistant drink it. Then my assistant pees in a cup and the auditioning man has to drink it. If his skin changes color then he's outta there. I call this the piss test."
Pornographer Monthly: "You are sort of the archetype of porn directors, I've noticed."
Philip: "What do you mean by that?"
Pornographer Monthly: "I mean that you are constantly taking regular phrases or terminology and using them in perverted ways, just as porn directors are known to do. But you do it not only in your films, but as a lifestyle. Like with this piss test. I've taken many piss tests in my life, but never quite like this."
Philip: "What does 'archetype' mean?"
Pornographer Monthly: "It means you're kind of like the mold from which all other porn directors have been cut. You set the standard for what becomes cliche' or normal for pornography."
Philip: "Oh. Yes, I'd say that's true."
Pornographer Monthly: "Recently, you've been exploring - "
Philip: "I think I'd like to put that on my tombstone. The thing about being an archetype."
Pornographer Monthly: "OK."
Philip: "OK."
Pornographer Monthly: "Recently, you've kind of been, uh... getting adventurous with your films. In a gay way."
Philip: "Yes, I've been making a lot of gay porn. Like I've always said, I didn't invent gay porn, I just made it better. Re-invented it."
Pornographer Monthly: "As a pornographic thespian, there were always rumors that you had done gay porn before you made it big. Did these early butt-raping films provide most of your motivation for this recent trend of gay films you've been ejaculating into the market?"
Philip: "Those rumors aren't true. I've never done that. The only thing motivating this gay porn stuff is money. It makes a lot of money. Girls buy it for their big frat-guy boyfriends as a joke, and it turns out that 90% of the time the guys end up loving this stuff and dump their girls, go out and buy up this kind of shit, and then a few weeks later are trying out for big parts in gay porn films. It's vicious. You'd be surprised how many frat guys we have coming to auditions for films like "Candy from the Butt of Randy" and the later installments of "Dick's Dicks". They say "hey I saw my bro in one of your films, I didn't know he was a queer. I thought it was sick, dawg. Turns out, I'm a total homo and I love eating huge penis on a dinner plate with all the right spices and sauces." They're all over the place."
Pornographer Monthly: "So do you hire these guys very often?"
Philip: "Fuck no. I don't put anyone on payroll who calls me "dawg". I give them the piss test, then a puke test, then a shit test, then I tell them to leave."
Pornographer Monthly: "Something about that makes you sound kind of cruel."
Philip: "It's a business, my friend. I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to get an even bigger mansion, more cars, phatter bling, and to humiliate people. This business is about humiliation. And respect."
Pornographer Monthly: "That doesn't make much sense, I'm afraid."
Philip: "I'm afraid you're wrong about that. I've been doing this for years, I know what I'm talking about."
Pornographer Monthly: "Fair enough. I hear you have been working with foreign porn stars to really get your name out there."
Philip: "That's true. Been working a lot with the French, Japanese, Germans and Italians."
Pornographer Monthly: "We hear that there's a funny story about how you became involved with working with a certain Italian woman. Tell us this story."
Philip: "It's not a funny story."
Pornographer Monthly: "Tell it anyway."
Philip: "Why don't you tell it, if you think it's so funny?"
Pornographer Monthly: "This isn't an interview with me."
Philip: "I see. Anyway, I was at a gas station trying to put some gas in my Lamborghini Gallardo, but the gas pumps were all occupied. I normally don't tolerate this shit, but it was hot outside, so I didn't feel like getting out. I pulled up behind an SUV that I thought was going to leave soon. On the back of in, in the dirt and dust that was all over the windshield, was written "LUCCI SMOOCHY". I was so pissed. So I ran inside the gas station and yelled "WILL LUCY SMOOCHY PLEASE MOVE HER FUCKING CAR?" And this bitch walks up to me and says, "IT'S ACTUALLY LOOCHY SMOOCHIE. IT RHYMES, GENIUS." So I says, "DON'T TELL ME ABOUT RHYMES, WOMAN. AND DON'T TELL ME THAT TWO C'S SOUND LIKE CH. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN IN AMERICA. MAYBE FUCKING ITALY, OR SOMETHING." Turns out she was Italian, and she gave me this terrible look, like she was going to talk to me a whole lot. So I turned around and walked out the door, only to have her follow me.
"LOOK HERE!" she says. So I look at her. Then she laughs because come on, that's funny. We both start laughing a lot, and the next thing we know we are having intercourses all over the gas station. She takes the gas nozzle and does things with it. I start to get grossed out, and she pours gasoline all over me. I laugh at that. Then we talk a little bit, and cuddle. She learns that I am a porn director and so I tell her she should be in my films. She says that's a great idea. I let her write the script, and it's awful. I call it "GUCCI GUCCI GOO, ALL OVER YOU.""
Pornographer Monthly: "You're right. That's not a very funny story. I must have been thinking about something else."
Philip: "Uh huh."
Pornographer Monthly: "And what do you think about Japanese porn?"
Philip: "Their eyes are different than ours."
Pornographer Monthly: "I won't argue with that."
At this point Philip reaches out and shakes my hand.
Pornographer Monthly: "Have you ever made films with baseball bats?"
Philip: "Yes, I know a man who has a hobby of making baseball bats. They're really good. He sends me barrels of baseball bats every month, cause he just doesn't know what to do with all his bats. So I've been using them in some of my films, giving them to the girls and letting them do things with them."
Pornographer Monthly: "What exactly do the girls do with the baseball bats?"
Philip: "Play baseball, mostly."
Pornographer Monthly: "Interesting. Do people buy these films?"
Philip: "Sports fans do. A lot of guys on baseball teams buy these films. I know a few guys on the New York Yankees bought some of these films and improved their batting after watching them."
Pornographer Monthly: "That's astonishing. Truly."
Philip: "Ask me another question."
Pornographer Monthly: "What are your opinions on hardcore Manga porn?"
Philip: "I go for the Hentai stuff. Are you familiar with Hentai?"
Pornographer Monthly: "Yes, definitely. That doesn't really answer the question, but that's alright."
Philip: "Ask me another one."
Pornographer Monthly: "You have never made any porn films with very, very, very old women. Will you do this, ever?"
Philip: "I have been working on a script, actually. It's tentatively titled "Desert Vagina, Dessert Vagina." It is about an old woman whose vagina is dry and crusty, and perhaps a little sandy, like a desert. Then she finds the fountain of youth and becomes young, so her vagina is like a delicious treat. People find her beautiful and want to taste her treats all day, and so she thinks they love her. But then they find out that she is really a disgusting old woman, but one boy still stays with her, because he knows the true meaning of love."
Pornographer Monthly: "That sounds very touching, kind of deep."
Philip: "It is. All my films are touching and deep."
Pornographer Monthly: "I don't mean literal touching, and deep penetration, I mean that it sounds sensitive, and kind of heart-warming."
Philip: "I guess so. There is a very good scene with a whale that I think is a very "deep" scene."
Pornographer Monthly: "Do you ever feel like you've maybe run out of ideas, for a while? You make up to 5 full length films a month. Don't you need some time to relax and come up with fresh, new ideas?"
Philip: "I never feel like that. I have endless ideas. I am going to begin doing ArtPorn very soon. That's a resource I haven't tapped, yet. I gotta tap that ass."
Pornographer Monthly: "Thank you, Money Shot, for taking the time to speak with us -"
Philip: "That's it?"
Pornographer Monthly: "Yeah. We're done. Sorry."
Philip: "Fuck you."
Keep a Brown Eye open for Philip "Money Shot" Mason's newest film hitting the pornstores next week, called "The Archetype of Ark Types", a film about Noah's Ark. WARNING: There is a lot of bestiality in this one.
We last left Porn Star turned Mega Porn Director Philip "Money Shot" Mason when he was telling us about his auditioning for women in his films.
Pornographer Monthly: "It is interesting how you cast women for your films. It is very different than the way you cast men. Tell us a little bit about that."
Philip: "I just have them pee in a cup, make my assistant drink it. Then my assistant pees in a cup and the auditioning man has to drink it. If his skin changes color then he's outta there. I call this the piss test."
Pornographer Monthly: "You are sort of the archetype of porn directors, I've noticed."
Philip: "What do you mean by that?"
Pornographer Monthly: "I mean that you are constantly taking regular phrases or terminology and using them in perverted ways, just as porn directors are known to do. But you do it not only in your films, but as a lifestyle. Like with this piss test. I've taken many piss tests in my life, but never quite like this."
Philip: "What does 'archetype' mean?"
Pornographer Monthly: "It means you're kind of like the mold from which all other porn directors have been cut. You set the standard for what becomes cliche' or normal for pornography."
Philip: "Oh. Yes, I'd say that's true."
Pornographer Monthly: "Recently, you've been exploring - "
Philip: "I think I'd like to put that on my tombstone. The thing about being an archetype."
Pornographer Monthly: "OK."
Philip: "OK."
Pornographer Monthly: "Recently, you've kind of been, uh... getting adventurous with your films. In a gay way."
Philip: "Yes, I've been making a lot of gay porn. Like I've always said, I didn't invent gay porn, I just made it better. Re-invented it."
Pornographer Monthly: "As a pornographic thespian, there were always rumors that you had done gay porn before you made it big. Did these early butt-raping films provide most of your motivation for this recent trend of gay films you've been ejaculating into the market?"
Philip: "Those rumors aren't true. I've never done that. The only thing motivating this gay porn stuff is money. It makes a lot of money. Girls buy it for their big frat-guy boyfriends as a joke, and it turns out that 90% of the time the guys end up loving this stuff and dump their girls, go out and buy up this kind of shit, and then a few weeks later are trying out for big parts in gay porn films. It's vicious. You'd be surprised how many frat guys we have coming to auditions for films like "Candy from the Butt of Randy" and the later installments of "Dick's Dicks". They say "hey I saw my bro in one of your films, I didn't know he was a queer. I thought it was sick, dawg. Turns out, I'm a total homo and I love eating huge penis on a dinner plate with all the right spices and sauces." They're all over the place."
Pornographer Monthly: "So do you hire these guys very often?"
Philip: "Fuck no. I don't put anyone on payroll who calls me "dawg". I give them the piss test, then a puke test, then a shit test, then I tell them to leave."
Pornographer Monthly: "Something about that makes you sound kind of cruel."
Philip: "It's a business, my friend. I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to get an even bigger mansion, more cars, phatter bling, and to humiliate people. This business is about humiliation. And respect."
Pornographer Monthly: "That doesn't make much sense, I'm afraid."
Philip: "I'm afraid you're wrong about that. I've been doing this for years, I know what I'm talking about."
Pornographer Monthly: "Fair enough. I hear you have been working with foreign porn stars to really get your name out there."
Philip: "That's true. Been working a lot with the French, Japanese, Germans and Italians."
Pornographer Monthly: "We hear that there's a funny story about how you became involved with working with a certain Italian woman. Tell us this story."
Philip: "It's not a funny story."
Pornographer Monthly: "Tell it anyway."
Philip: "Why don't you tell it, if you think it's so funny?"
Pornographer Monthly: "This isn't an interview with me."
Philip: "I see. Anyway, I was at a gas station trying to put some gas in my Lamborghini Gallardo, but the gas pumps were all occupied. I normally don't tolerate this shit, but it was hot outside, so I didn't feel like getting out. I pulled up behind an SUV that I thought was going to leave soon. On the back of in, in the dirt and dust that was all over the windshield, was written "LUCCI SMOOCHY". I was so pissed. So I ran inside the gas station and yelled "WILL LUCY SMOOCHY PLEASE MOVE HER FUCKING CAR?" And this bitch walks up to me and says, "IT'S ACTUALLY LOOCHY SMOOCHIE. IT RHYMES, GENIUS." So I says, "DON'T TELL ME ABOUT RHYMES, WOMAN. AND DON'T TELL ME THAT TWO C'S SOUND LIKE CH. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN IN AMERICA. MAYBE FUCKING ITALY, OR SOMETHING." Turns out she was Italian, and she gave me this terrible look, like she was going to talk to me a whole lot. So I turned around and walked out the door, only to have her follow me.
"LOOK HERE!" she says. So I look at her. Then she laughs because come on, that's funny. We both start laughing a lot, and the next thing we know we are having intercourses all over the gas station. She takes the gas nozzle and does things with it. I start to get grossed out, and she pours gasoline all over me. I laugh at that. Then we talk a little bit, and cuddle. She learns that I am a porn director and so I tell her she should be in my films. She says that's a great idea. I let her write the script, and it's awful. I call it "GUCCI GUCCI GOO, ALL OVER YOU.""
Pornographer Monthly: "You're right. That's not a very funny story. I must have been thinking about something else."
Philip: "Uh huh."
Pornographer Monthly: "And what do you think about Japanese porn?"
Philip: "Their eyes are different than ours."
Pornographer Monthly: "I won't argue with that."
At this point Philip reaches out and shakes my hand.
Pornographer Monthly: "Have you ever made films with baseball bats?"
Philip: "Yes, I know a man who has a hobby of making baseball bats. They're really good. He sends me barrels of baseball bats every month, cause he just doesn't know what to do with all his bats. So I've been using them in some of my films, giving them to the girls and letting them do things with them."
Pornographer Monthly: "What exactly do the girls do with the baseball bats?"
Philip: "Play baseball, mostly."
Pornographer Monthly: "Interesting. Do people buy these films?"
Philip: "Sports fans do. A lot of guys on baseball teams buy these films. I know a few guys on the New York Yankees bought some of these films and improved their batting after watching them."
Pornographer Monthly: "That's astonishing. Truly."
Philip: "Ask me another question."
Pornographer Monthly: "What are your opinions on hardcore Manga porn?"
Philip: "I go for the Hentai stuff. Are you familiar with Hentai?"
Pornographer Monthly: "Yes, definitely. That doesn't really answer the question, but that's alright."
Philip: "Ask me another one."
Pornographer Monthly: "You have never made any porn films with very, very, very old women. Will you do this, ever?"
Philip: "I have been working on a script, actually. It's tentatively titled "Desert Vagina, Dessert Vagina." It is about an old woman whose vagina is dry and crusty, and perhaps a little sandy, like a desert. Then she finds the fountain of youth and becomes young, so her vagina is like a delicious treat. People find her beautiful and want to taste her treats all day, and so she thinks they love her. But then they find out that she is really a disgusting old woman, but one boy still stays with her, because he knows the true meaning of love."
Pornographer Monthly: "That sounds very touching, kind of deep."
Philip: "It is. All my films are touching and deep."
Pornographer Monthly: "I don't mean literal touching, and deep penetration, I mean that it sounds sensitive, and kind of heart-warming."
Philip: "I guess so. There is a very good scene with a whale that I think is a very "deep" scene."
Pornographer Monthly: "Do you ever feel like you've maybe run out of ideas, for a while? You make up to 5 full length films a month. Don't you need some time to relax and come up with fresh, new ideas?"
Philip: "I never feel like that. I have endless ideas. I am going to begin doing ArtPorn very soon. That's a resource I haven't tapped, yet. I gotta tap that ass."
Pornographer Monthly: "Thank you, Money Shot, for taking the time to speak with us -"
Philip: "That's it?"
Pornographer Monthly: "Yeah. We're done. Sorry."
Philip: "Fuck you."
Keep a Brown Eye open for Philip "Money Shot" Mason's newest film hitting the pornstores next week, called "The Archetype of Ark Types", a film about Noah's Ark. WARNING: There is a lot of bestiality in this one.
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