Letters to Malia
Letters to Malia. By Lady Molasses.
by Philip Mason
In late 2008, a person by the name of Malia Glanton added Lady Molasses as a friend on Facebook. I didn't know who Malia Glanton was, so Lady Molasses immediately started reaching out, trying to form a connection to this quiet beauty via her Facebook wall. This took place over many months, until the day Lady Molasses was murdered by Mark Zuckerberg, in February of 2010.
Malia Glanton is going to camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lorcan Faol YOU FINALLY GOT FACEBOOK. ABOUT TIME. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR LITERALLY YEARS. 6 YEARS.
Lady Molasses I didn't know you liked cooking. I love eating. Come over sometime.
Lady Molasses That cat's lookin' good enough to pet. HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAA you thought I was going to say EAT. Hahahahahhahhaahahhahaha I don['ts eat cats dont know sabout you.!!
Lady Molasses I noticed no one else writes on your wall. I think they are afraid of cats and I am not afraid of cats. Never have been. I do not care for dominoes, though.
Lady Molasses I see you grab the bull by the horns.
Lady Molasses My mom always said that girls can't be attracted to other girls, which is why I eat so much now. But the way you handle that pussy makes me reconsider everything mother ever said about cunnilingus and noses.
Lady Molasses I see that none of your other friends write on your wall. Something smells fishy here, and it's not just my vagina.
Lady Molasses SOMEONE MADE A NEW FRIEND LMAO
Lady Molasses HEY U GOT ANYMORE CAT PICTURES PREFERABLY NOT JUST THE ANIMAL LOL IM NOT A LESBIAN JUST WONDERIN
Lady Molasses hey get online for online chat please. i need to talk to u soon.
Lady Molasses hey are you getting my messages?
Lady Molasses hey it seems like ur not getting my messages. please respond.
Lady Molasses hey malia r u coming to my house tomorrow i am making my own sausages
Lady Molasses hey malia tell me what kind of pudding you like besides chocolate. i already have a fridge full of chocolate
Lady Molasses hey malia have u ever tried pink salmon without the salmon
Lady Molasses jk gurl i know u like boys
Lady Molasses i'm eating salmon right now, thinkin of u
Lady Molasses would love to hear your voice tonight
Lady Molasses i'm playin my trombone all alone tonight.
Lady Molasses hey come over tomorrow and when i make sausage you can play with my new fax machine i bought in july you'll love it
Lady Molasses HEY MALIA, STILL COMATOSE?
Lady Molasses HEY MALIA I WANT TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND SEND QUEEFS ALL THE WAY INTO YOUR LUNGS AND STOMACH. MINE TASTE LIKE BEEF CABBAGE.
Lady Molasses i would luv 2 cum on ur tits
Lorcan Faol HEY MAYBE IF YOU WERE MORE OUTGOING YOU WOULDN'T BE SO SINGLE ALL THE TIME.
Lady Molasses LAST NIGHT WAS A BLATZ. BY THE 15TH LINE OF COKE I WAS READY TO MAKE MOVES ON YOU. THAT IS WHY I TOOK OFF MY CLOTHES AND CLIMBED INTO BED WITH YOU WHEN YOU WERE BLEEDING FROM THE ANUS. I SLURPED UP THE BLOOD FROM YOUR BUTT BECAUSE I WAS SO HORNY/HIGH. IT TASTED LIKE POOP AND METAL SWIMMING TOGETHER IN A STEW. IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT THAT FEELING DEEP INSIDE YOUR PANTIES WAS AROUND 3 IN THE MORNING IT WAS MY HUGE FAT FIST WITH SOME SAUSAGE IN IT LEFTOVER FROM MY EARLY BREAKFAST. YOU WILL VERY LIKELY FIND SAUSAGE BITS INSIDE OF YOUR VAGINA WALLS AND MAYBE EVEN GRAVY FROM MY POTATO-DREAM THAT I COOKED LAST NIGHT. ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU DON'T REMEMBER MUCH FROM LAST NIGHT AND THAT'S PROBABLY GOOD. I WILL COME OVER TOMORROW AND WE CAN COOK UP ANOTHER SPECIAL EVENING. YOU MIGHT FIND SOME OF MY HAIR IN YOUR MILK TOMORROW MORNING.
Lady Molasses Hey Malia. I am about to go to bed but before I do let me say THANK YOU SO MUCH for the cuntilingus you gave me today. You really did a number on my vag-canyon. The blood flowing through it is like the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon, but I don't mind. I know you get a little bit carried away on some days and that's ok. My Virginia feels like a yard that's been raked a little too hard.... but too hard is better than not at all. Keep me raw, baby. I'll always return the favor, which is why I used my teeth on you tonight. If the doctors are able to find a suitable donor for a blood transplant for you, and you're able to get out of the hospital soon, I can't wait to see you again. We need to have another sleepover. But I'll happily visit you in the hospital, conscious or unconscious, until you're let out. They say you won't wake up for days - but I'll be there anyway, probing you deep with my tongue. I'm gonna taste your ribs from your anus. I love ribs, FYI.
Lady Molasses HEY MALIA, been a while. I'm dropping loaves of shit into the toilet right now and am on my Laptop looking at those naked pictures of you we took at my Bat Mitzvah. You were so fucking hot. The smell of my shit right now makes me think of the smell of your butthole when I squeezed you too tightly that one time and it all came out like pudding on the dinner table. We sure had a mess for ourselves! But clean up was no problem with tongues the size of ours. If only I could taste the sweet sweaty bliss of your taint right now before I went to bed I would sleep happily. Anyway, can't wait for our lunch date tomorrow. I am bringing tuna, your favorite.
Lady Molasses Malia, please... I am sorry. I really thought herpes was not contagious after it disappeared from the genitals. I've had it for a long time, yes, but it doesn't always come back like that. I am sorry that I infected you with this virus and I also apologize for puking into your vagina while I was eating you out.... but I don't know if you've ever seen a herpes encrusted vagina up close like that before, and touched it with your tongue. It was repulsive, and I was able to choke the vomit down for a few minutes while I went to town on you, but right about the time you orgasmed is when one of the blisters on your clitoris popped open and oozed into my mouth... vomiting was my only course of action, it seems. But it's not like most of that vomit didn't come right out of your canyon. A couple hours later it was almost like nothing had happened. Now my face is breaking out, though.
Lady Molasses I am sorry I did this to you, but I guess it means you can never leave
me. No one will want a piece of you after they see your highly infected
genital region. But I will, and do. I always want you. Did you know that after you have been eating meatloaf for a few hours, your asshole and your pussy taste the exact same... I mean the EXACT same. when my eyes are closed and my tongue is numb from the coke I can't tell the difference. Anyway, tell me the next time you're planning on farting out a whole school of fish so I know not to have my face crammed all the way up inside your flea-ridden asshole. It's disgusting and they don't digest well. You know I hate fish. Especially fart-fish.
Lady Molasses HEY GURL. Got the scans back from the doctor and it looks like your bumhole cleaned up perty nice. I'd still put my tongue and fingers into it, so no worries. the LOL thing is that I can smell it from here.... Doc says you been puttin too many food items in yer butt without me around to supervise, so I guess you should quit. I'm installing cameras in your bathroom now (I'm at your house while you're at work). I'm typing this from your toilet on YOUR laptop LOL! I'm not gonna flush so you can see what I left for you. I also injected some of my ex-husband's semen into some of the meat in your fridge and some of your food in your cabinets. I won't tell you what stuff. LOL! Can't wait to see you this weekend, I got my lawn mowed just 4 u.
Lady Molasses MALIA!!!!! YOU HAIRY TURD SLUT, I AM STILL FARTING OUT THAT CHEEZE WHIZ YOU PUMPED INTO MY BUTTHOLE. IT IS TANGLED AND CLINGING TO THE 6 INCH LONG HAIRS OF MY BUTTHOLE, WHICH YOU USUALLY CLEAN WITH YOUR TONGUE. WELL GIRL, YO TONGUE GONNA HAVE A HEAP OF CLEANING TO DO TONIGHT. Rooster came by to take me to the doctor, cause my 'roids are acting up thanks to your hijinxxx. Bitch, I'm ready to juice queef all over your open mouth and let my vag-cheese drip down your tongue into your throat. GOD, I am so ready for tonight. It's when you make me angry like this that I am most horny and ready to go all out with you/on you. I hope you cleaned your diarrhea off the bed from last night cause I'm not laying back down in that pool of stool with those peanuts and carrots and pork chop bits getting alll into my bloody cuts and my eyes. The doctor told me it gives me infections worse than my yeast infection that I rubbed on your face and your vagina and butthole that one morning.
Lady Molasses If your bed still ain't clean, come over to my place and bring chains.
I'm gonna chain you to the ceiling tonight while I pump the lube from
your vagoina into a bag so I can trade it to Lorcan Faol for a pound of
his wife's breast milk, which I will then feed to you via Klondike bar.
Also, just FYI, your grand canyon is getting a little red, lumpy and
loose, probably cause my fists and feet are so fat. I have something
that will fix that up when you come over, but you won't be able to poop
or pee for 4 days afterward, so we'll get that all out of you tonight.
Luv u. xoxoxoxo
Lady Molasses MMMMM SUP BITCH? I am on your laptop right now sitting in bed next to you as you sleep like a little basket of fresh shit. Guess what I just did. I'll give you multiple choices:
(a): burned all of your clothes outside and put your car in the lake
(b): rubbed a pound of steak on the ground from the opening of a fire-ant mound leading a trail from there to your asshole while you sleep
(c): rubbed ice cubes on your tits to numb them and then pierced them with ballpoint pens and then drank peach schnapps out of your new tit-holes
(d): put your webcam up inside of your asshole while streaming it live over Yahoo chat to a whole chat room of 16 year old boys, after giving them your cell phone number
(e): bought health insurance for myself with your debit card
(f): pissed in the bed and then rolled your face into it, and then spread my butt-cheeks so wide that I could sit on your face without you feeling it and sharted into your hair
(g): all of the above.
Lady Molasses I'll give you a hint: the answer is g.
Lady Molasses Sorry about the scabs I put into your cereal when you weren't looking, this morning. I thought you wouldn't be able to tell them apart from your Frosted Flakes, and I was right. You beleived me when I told you the red things were strawberry flavored Frosted Flakes LOL. You're an idiot, but you're MY idiot. When I poured all of that milk into your bum rump and your cum dump and then drank it out, do you know what it tasted like? It was exactly like the tuna salad we made the other day with all of the old goat cheese. I love that taste. Your flavor is my favorite flavor. I can't wait to smear my shit all over your cold sores tonight, and to chain our clits to our tits and to cram your entire petite body into my cavernous vagina pit. I miss you Malia.
Lady Molasses When the lips between my legs are touched by the lips on your face
I'm suddenly floating weightless to a distant, euphoric place
I smother your face between the folds of my breasts
By mouth-to-mouth I feed you the food my stomach digests
Our flesh touches and there's magic in this air
When you rise from my taint your teeth are covered in hair
I've often dreamed of you having six cunts
Five for my limbs and my face, one for smoking blunts
I am mount Everest and you are a champion mountaineer
Please climb my rugged peaks and explore the frontier
Lady Molasses I made fuck on your face bacon. I am a very large woman who is sad about what happened to you on Thanksgiving, because you were offended by my beefqueefs.
Lady Molasses You choked on my leg grease and I was so sorry that I rushed you to the hospital on my back.
Lady Molasses So Malia... when I tied my shit to helicopter blades and ran that motor on your cum-bum sending feces flying up into your greasy butthole and splattering hair and blood and shit all over the room, do you think your neighbors could hear us? Rooster was driving by that night to pick up your used tampons which I placed in... your mailbox for him, and he said he could hear it all. He said he could see you flailing your arms because we didn't close the blinds. Looks like your stupid windows gave us away again, idiot. I'm getting tired of coming up with really romantic ideas like this just to have them shared with the world through a window. These acitivities of ours are supposed to be private, you twat-rot.
Lady Molasses Anyway, I still have some food in my teeth from when I put that hose up
your buttcrack and slurped for 9 hours straight. Had to empty you out
for our shit-helicopter, but damn, flossing just isn't doing the job.
I'm on my laptop right now as I'm getting my stomach pumped at the
hospital because it's full of garbage from inside your guts.
Lady Molasses Pussy farts sent your way with love. ♥
Lady Molasses When you and I were lost in the woods this weekend and it got so cold that you passed out I knew I had to keep you alive. I wrapped my butt cheeks around your face and kept you there for days while my butt-cheek stubble grew and grew until it penetrated your skin and began to grow into your face, melding us together. The only way you could breath was by inhaling my farts and you would exhale them back into me to be released as queefs which kept the rest of your body warm. I fed you with my shit and hydrated you with my urine. I ate snow to keep us fresh and living. When I found a cave I was able to rip your face from my anus, pulling my butt-hairs out along with it. I began to bleed and used your pube salad to mop it up. So when you wake up tomorrow morning with a beard and bloody pubes don't act like you don't know what happened. I just told you.
Lady Molasses MALIA, ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO WITH YOU LATELY IS PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON MY TWO FATTEST FINGERS AND RUB IT IN YOUR BUTT CRACK WITH ONE HAND, AND ON MY OTHER HAND PUT JELLY, AND RUB IT IN YOUR VAGINA. THEN I PICK YOU UP AND TURN YOU ON YOUR HEAD AND SINK MY FLOPPYJAWTEETH INTO THE REGION BETWEEN YOUR LEGS. I CALL THIS A P.B.MALIA SANDWICH. THE BEST PART TO ME IS THAT I DON'T NEED ANY BREAD, BECAUSE I HAVE ALL THE YEAST I COULD POSSIBLY NEED RIGHT THERE. I'VE ONLY DONE THIS WHILE YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS FROM HUFFING GLUE, BUT I'VE VIDEO TAPED IT AND SEND THE VIDEOS TO YOUR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS AND THE PRIEST AT YOUR CHURCH. HAVEN'T HEARD BACK FROM THEM YET. I'VE ALSO BUILT A MAMMOTH SIZED STRAP-ON THAT I WILL BE USING ON YOU VERY SOON, BUT I'D LIKE YOU TO BE AWAKE WHEN WE DO THAT.
Lady Molasses ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ YOUR TURDCUTTER IS MINE.
Lady Molasses MALIA, I THINK YOU SHOULD UPDATE YOUR PROFILE TO SAY YOU'RE NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP. YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME YOU VAG-LICKING TWATSHOT PUSSY DESTRUCTOR.
Lady Molasses ALL OF OUR FRIENDS, THEY'LL ALWAYS ADMIRE WHAT WE'VE GOT
YOUR LEGS SPREAD WIDE WITH MY FEET IN YOUR TWAT
OUR HOURS OF PASSION-FILLED SWEATY ANALINGUS
OUR FRIENDS DO SO ADMIRE IT, THAT'S WHY THEY SING US
SONGS OF PRAISE AND LOVE AND WET, RAUNCHY SMUT
HERALDING THE ENCHANTMENT THAT I BRING TO YOUR BUTT
I SHAVE YOUR LANDSCAPES WITH MY CHISELED TEETH
AND FESTIVELY TRIM YOUR ANAL HAIR INTO A WREATH
SO THAT YOUR BUMHOLE IS FIT FOR CHRISTMAS AND CHEER
IT OPENS WIDE ENOUGH FOR SANTA AND ALL HIS REINDEER
Lady Molasses I cum fire all over your tits
I pop your nipples the way I pop your zits
I am cumming alive inside your red hot vagina
Make me explode, young lady
I need to feel alive
I need to release my goose juice into your clap trap clam chowder bacon ridge ham sandwich factory
I'm going no where with a trumpet full of your slime turds
I'm climbing the eternal mountain of your wet dreams
The prowling hunger in my stomach turns me into a tiger who needs to hunt your pussy for prey
Give me your pussy today
My muscles flex and expel gases from my anal wind tunnel
You cup your mouth around the tip like you do to the hose of a beer funnel
There's a golden void inside my lungs which only your piss can fill
I'm a suffocating lion in the wilderness awaiting your tenderness
I need, before I die, a sprinkling inkling of our friendship's depression pill.
Lady Molasses Carpet fisting is what we do when we're lonely, Malia. Something's in your hair, but it's dry by now. Don't worry about stains. Everything comes out when I spray you down.
Lady Molasses You were looking in the mirror at the food that was stuck in your teeth. You were acting like it mattered that maybe you had some roast beef and bread mushed up and encrusted between your gums and teeth. I didn't mind. When I suction cupped my lips to your lips I was willing to accept everything your mouth had to offer. I took in every little mushy, spit-soaked bit of gross fleshy food product and savored it like it was the last meal I would ever have. You know me Malia, and you know I'll take it from anywhere I can get it.
Lady Molasses Wash and dry that taint cause tonight I'm turning it into my own personal salad bar. I will destroy it.
Lady Molasses I wanna watch you pee
I wanna see you shit
I take delight in your excretions
Put my face under your clit
I wanna catch a whiff
I wanna swallow your jelly
I inhale your butt fumes
And digest them in my belly
You're my goddess
A nubile permeating beam of youth
Your skin's as soft as your tender poop
I take your hair and nails
And I make a soup
From a distance I watch you
I see you clench your butt cheeks
To hold in a fart
You stand on one leg
Never let them part
Your sphincter is tight
But my fist has might
I plunge it in, to your surprise
Up to the wrist, and I watch your eyes
The fart wind escapes around my arm
Spraying and whooshing
Do not be alarmed
Lady Molasses We're in a twat rodeo
Holding each other til the straps snap apart
You're spinning in a circle and you let out a shart
There's no easy way to put this
My arms are tired and I need rest
You spread your vagina around the mound of my breast
It's so dry cause I've vacuumed its secretions
So you stick to me like glue
Never get wet, I don't want to lose you
We save our moments of torturing each other's buttholes for later tonight
If this isn't over soon we may not make it to the 8 o'clock showing of Twilight.
Outback Steakhouse You say wrong hole
But I say it's right
You yell loudly
Cause it's just so tight
Outback Steakhouse Hello Malia. I never thought it would fit yesterday, and you were convinced it wouldn't either. I only pretended I knew what I was doing because I wanted you to trust me. Well, after a little stretching and screaming everything went well, wouldn't you say? I bet you trust me now. Sorry if your butt hurts. I heard you crying this morning from the bathroom. When I came in after you there was blood and poop all over the toilet seat, like you just didn't care to clean it off. Better than the bed sheets, though. You're the only girl I've made squirt 30 times in 30 minutes. No wonder you passed out when you tried to stand up. But I sat there, wiping the cum out of your hair, the blood and doo-doo out of your butt, and cleaned the fem-jizz off of the curtains. Why aren't you answering my calls today?
Lady Molasses Excuse me, asshole. Who do you think you are? Don't talk to Malia that way. You're just making crap up. Malia was with me yesterday when you wrote this, and I spent the whole day and last night with her. She'd never go for some jackass like you, because she loves me. We're two dykes in a pod. You keep your filthy mushroom penis out of our relationship and out of my woman (though I don't believe you that it's ever been in there to begin with).
Outback Steakhouse Hi, I'm Malia's boyfriend. Who the hell are you? I was just wondering why she didn't call me for a while but we're all good now. Stop calling her a dyke and GTFO of here. I've stuck my penis inside of her plenty of times.
Lady Molasses I'm Malia's girlfriend and I'm sitting with her right now at the train station because we're about to go to Oklahoma you oklaHOMO.
Lady Molasses Malia just told me I shouldn't call you a homo, cause we're both homos together. But that means she doesn't like you, fucking cockstrap.
Outback Steakhouse I get it, you're just her friend. Girls always act like they're lesbians with eachother. Malia told me last night, after we finished trimming her nails, that she was going to Arizona to see her parents. Are you going with her? Why are you going to Oklahoma? Why would a train go to Oklahoma?
Lady Molasses NOPE. Twat-hot lovers. We went to Oklahoma to experience the culture and the spice of life. I don't know who you are and Malia never talked about you, but I hope you get hit by a lasagna truck.
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